A case for summer style that throws all caution to the wind
I was debating posting this because I know it’s deranged, but in the wake of J. Crew’s bankruptcy announcement (they’re going to be just fine, they ain’t going anywhere) and our collective failing sanity, screw it. Spring is canceled, and even though we undoubtedly won’t be able to gather in large groups this summer, I’m still looking forward to breaking out all the bright colors and patterns like a magpie with too much time on their hands.
I may never be happy, but tonight I am content. Nothing more than an empty house, the warm hazy weariness from a day spent setting strawberry runners in the sun, a glass of cool sweet milk, and a shallow dish of blueberries bathed in cream.
After a day of seeing Ted on Instagram stories with whomever he shacked up with in quarantine, I felt it was time for a digital detox and went back to my windowsill farming roots. My estranged husband may have the (younger) company, but I have the self-respect to not post selfies every few hours with a self-congratulatory stay at home sticker like I’m saving lives instead of stoned and sprawled out in Crown Heights.
Anyway, one must not dwell on the past, even if it’s all my mind can attend to in our constant, increasingly digital present. This simple yet luxurious snack of blueberries and cream always cheers me up, and not having to turn on the oven is always a plus in my book. And, it pairs well with a stiff glass of whiskey and Fiona Apple elegantly raging through my Sonos. (Check out the review post here!) I’ll fetch the bolt cutters, alright.
Blueberries and Cream Recipe
· 1 cup heavy cream
· 1 cup Greek or whole-milk yogurt
· ⅓ cup soft brown sugar, or as needed
· 2 cups blueberries
Day before serving Combine the cream and yogurt in a mixing bowl and whisk until thick but not stiff, not unlike Ted after a few drinks. Scrape into a shallow serving bowl.
Sprinkle with enough brown sugar to cover the yogurt mixture. Cover with plastic wrap, and refrigerate for 12 to 24 hours, lamenting the passage of time.
Day of Remove yogurt mixture from the refrigerator and allow it to come to room temperature. Serve yogurt and berries in separate bowls, heaping the fruits of your labors with its just desserts. Keep the whiskey flowing.
My Shelfie Tour and Skin Care Routine!
Upstairs, in the bright, white, sterile cubicle of the bathroom, smelling of warm flesh and toothpaste, I bent over the washbowl in unthinking ritual…Hot and cold, cleanliness coming in smooth scented green bars; hairs in thin, penciled lines, curving on the white enamel; the colored prescriptions, the hard glassed-in jars, the bottles that can cure the symptoms of a cold or send you to sleep within the hour.
My shelfie is a reflection of who I am — thoughts, habits, dreams, and desires.
As the days and weeks pass, skincare routines remain one of the few welcome constants. I do not know what fresh horrors will announce themselves each day, but the very fires of hell will freeze over before I miss moisturizing. Am I vain? Yes, undoubtedly so. But at least I’m not literally recapturing my youth at NYU bars.
To help others attain my unblemished glow, I’ve detailed my morning and nighttime skincare routines.
Morning
Cleanse. Wash the nightmares and perils of dreaming away.
Exfoliate. Open up your pores to a new day with all its trials and joys.
Moisturize with SPF. Like most ironic sources of life, the sun will try to drain you of your vitality.
Evening
Double cleanse. Always remove your makeup first, then follow with a cleansing wash as if a virgin anew.
Exfoliate again. Mortality is not so frail that you can’t exfoliate twice a day.
Apply overnight moisturizer with retinol to deter the vicelike grip of age. It will still hold you in its clutches, but overpriced delusions are the best we can get.
via lonny.com
My Color Coordinated Bookshelf!
Here I sit in the deep-cushioned armchair, the crickets rasping, buzzing, chirring outside. It’s the library, my favorite room, with the floor a medieval mosaic of flat square stones. The color of old bookbindings . . . . . rust, copper, tawny-orange, pepper-brown, maroon.
The joys of a color-coordinated library aren’t lost in utter solitude. It’s a vibrantly unnecessary puzzle that doesn’t commit itself to logic or reason, just aesthetics. Sure, it’s harder to find what I specifically want to read, but it forces me to glaze over previous books like past lives, asshole boyfriends, and shitty husbands.
With that said, here are some of my quarantine picks:
Gone Girlby Gillian Flynn Justice at its finest.
The Girl on the Trainby Paula Hawkins She’s a damn hero, that one.
Carrieby Stephen King Good for her.
The Perfect Wife by JP Delaney He knows what he did.
My Retirement Savings — This Pyramid of Bud Light Cans. A Spotlight on Personal Finance
If I Make Enough of the Canonical Alison Roman Recipes Will it Convince My Partner to Come Back?
Frat House Chic! How to Turn Your Once Pristine Living Space into Teenage Squalor Now that No One Will Be Coming Over
We Don’t Know How To Break This to You, But your Weed Dealer is Not Your Friend **SPONSORED BY THERAPY APP**
Why Hand Washing Your Dishes Several Times a Day is Bringing Scullery Maids Back Into the Spotlight
The Latest Hot Sex Move? The Fetal Position.
You Are Not Alone. Physically, Yes. But, Like, in A Metaphorical Sense You’re Chill.
Quarantine Etiquette: Always Text to Ask permission Before Facetiming. You Never Know if They’re Stoned and Watching One Of the Fast And The Furious Movies.
Why Time Is a Manmade Construct that Has No Meaning Aside From your Caffeine and Liquor Intake
Hacking The Netlflix Algorithm — How to Hide Your Terrible Taste in Films from Your Partner
Vengeance is Yours: Vacuuming Up Legos you Stepped On as Therapy
Lifestyle Hack! Turn Literally any Surface into a Bar Cart
Do your Mitts Need Some Maintenance? Hand Lotions with TLC that Don’t Smell like Mango Juul Pods Mixed with Despair
Day Drinking: It’s Back With a Vengeance. 10 Reasons why You Should Text your Ex
Your Temporary Identity Cheat Sheet: How To Briefly Take up Cooking and Gardening In Lieu of a Personality
Is There Such A Thing as Too Much CBD? Asking From a Puddle of my Former Self
Zoom Divorce Announcement Party Prep — Themed Drinks you Can Enjoy from Separate Rooms
Coming back to blogging, not that any of us ever left, feels like more of a kinder, softer landing rather than a circuitous pattern of CMS abuse I keep telling myself it is.
It’s been a “privilege” growing up alongside the rest of the internet (LOL how am I solidly in my 30s), and I miss being able to express opinions and humor without getting screamed at by trolls and Trump supporters. So damn it, I’m remaking my own corner of the internet, preferably without a comments section .
I promise to not let this spiral into a #preppy lifestyle blog, and keep it more of an amalgamation of personal writing, stuff I’ve found interesting online (considering that’s where I spend the vast majority of my time), and niche content I gravitate towards that necessarily wouldn’t get placement in a more significant publication.
This platform is partly so I can still get the instant gratification of hitting publish while working on longer-form work that won’t see the light of day for a while, but mostly because I’m nostalgic for personal blogs. They were fun! And we need more fun, especially right now.
